(Ed) // BLAH-ging.

I began my humble, little blog in early July of last year ~ Almost exactly 6 months ago. Lately I've been doing some reflection on my life; evaluating how I spend my time, my goals, the levels of my happiness and enjoyment, and my personal growth in areas I find significant (marriage, motherhood, business, spirituality). Blogging has indeed changed me and has certainly effected all of the a for mentioned aspects...and not always for the better.   


You see, before I became enlightened to the Blogging community and decided to join in on the fun, I was quite a different person. Not exactly different in my actions or activities, as I still pretty much do the same things I've always done, but I've noticed a change in my thoughts and feelings. The most noticeable changes are:


Feeling "less than" ~

I've always been very grateful that I never had the desire to find my self worth through comparing myself to others.  I've never been one to judge myself or my life according to the standards of popular culture and the world. Alas, more often than I would like to admit, I've begun to view myself and my life as "less than" in comparison to other bloggers. I am not a James, the queen bee (at least to me) of blogger moms with her stunning family, impeccable style, amazing photographs and a life that all too often seems wonderfully perfect. I am not an Elsie or a Rachel; crafting and sewing my way through my brightly coordinated day. I am not a Jenny, with an Etsy shop bursting at the seems with killer vintage scores attained whilst on yet another thrifting adventure. And I'm not a Keiko Lynn, Kristen, or Amy pumping out weekly if not daily fashion, hair, and make up tutorials. I'm just Kelly.  The problem with that is the word just would never have found it's way in front of my name before I entered into the blog-o-spher. Don't get me wrong, I admire and am very grateful for all of these talented ladies...the problem is with me and how I have chosen to hold their lives up to my own. It's not fair to put people on pedestals; it's heavy lifting for some and a long way to fall for others.   

The "WANT's and Must Have It!'s" ~

I won't blame it ALL on the sponsored items featured on various blogs, but my desire for STUFF has greatly increased since becoming a loyal blog/blogger follower.  Companies sending bloggers swag to help them market their products is, in one word,... genius. Almost all of the fashion posts and most of the lifestyle posts on blogs include at least one, if not multiple c/o (courtesy of) items and most blogs have "giveaways" featuring these products. Glasses, dresses, shoes, skin care, make-up, hand bags, baby clothes, cameras, lenses, jewelry, home decor, art... I think I've seen it ALL on the major for profit blogs. At least the bloggers are honest about it and typically have enough integrity to hock relevant and quality goods that they might actually buy in real life. It's not this practice that I blame, but the covetousness inside myself that this practice is appealing to. I call it the "WANT's and Must Have It!'s" because these are the two most popular comments left on the blogs by readers.

It reminds me of junior high school... needing to get what the cool kids have in order to feel special or "a part of". Before blogs, I wasn't much of a "stuff" person and was perfectly content with living a pretty minimalist lifestyle.  Now I find myself online shopping, thrifting, and going to Ulta more than I ever have in my life. Not to mention virtual window shopping, falling down the ETSY rabbit hole and pinning for hours. Am I trying to buy "cool" and seeking the approval of my virtual peers?  Am I trying to decorate what can feel like a plain and boring life with STUFF?  Am I seeking to fill some sort of void? Have I fallen prey to the "keeping up with the Bloggers" sickness that so many companies hope we all catch?  Cough. Cough. Where's my wallet...    

WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION?!?! 

In the second post to this blog, I stated three reason why I was starting it in the first place. How have I done so far? 

1) to hold myself accountable -  I'd give myself a B.  I feel I have done a good job at "putting forth content". As a mom with a toddler who owns a business and works part time, life can be rather hectic.  Finding the time to blog hasn't always been easy, but I've stuck to it and have posted fairly regularly since it's creation.  Would I like to be a daily blogger?  Hell NO.  I tried that in December and nearly lost my mind.  My goal is make it easier on myself by coming up with a few features to help give my blogging some structure. I'm working on some ideas that will hopefully begin very soon.   

2) to remind myself who I am and what I love - I'd give myself a C-.  If anything, this blog has shown me who I am not. I am not crafty. I am not a hipster. I am not a super mom. I am not a fashionista.  I sometimes feel that I was letting "the blog" turn me into "a blogger" rather than reveling who I actually am. Discovery of self often comes during the boring parts of life and growth only happens as a result of LIVING. What I have learned in the past 6 months is that LIFE comes before "blogging about life" and not every special thing needs to be shared and not every moment needs to be documented. It's easy to get caught up in letting blogging BE your motivation. Blogging should be a product of, but not the motivation for, a life well lived.    

3) to foster a sense of connectedness and intimacy with my friends, family, clients, and perfect strangers. - I'd give myself a C.  I can tell from my stats that my blog has readers; sometimes getting up to 200 hits a day from as far away as Russia and Australia. A good number of my clients mention how they enjoy my posts and my close friends and Mom (Hi Mom) are regular readers.  Yet, very few people leave me comments. This blog may be helping people feel connected to me, but without interaction from others, the connection only goes one way.  I would love to have more interaction with people via my blog and hope to see more comments in the future. I promise I'll write back!!!  :)

And there it is.  The good and the bad. It feels refreshing to be honest and to recognize within myself what has changed and needs to be changed.  It may take my stepping back from this world on occasion to gain some perspective.  It may just take my focusing on MY blog and less on the blogging community. I will be kind and flexible with myself and see where I need to bend. For now, I'm going to take advantage of my husband being home and go have a date with myself.  Camera, coffee, and a windy Austin afternoon... YES please! 

(Lov)e,

-k.