(Ed) // THE GRACE LIFE >> E q u a n i m i t y.

Equanimity has been described as “the emotional ground for wisdom and freedom and the protector of compassion and love.” It is the ability to see your surroundings without getting caught and held by what we see: the power of observation conquering the desire for sensation. It is the ability to approach our circumstances with patience, compassion, balance, composure, and stability. It is esteemed as a virtue in all of the major faiths and it is what I have been seeking most of my life. 

In the Buddhist practice, equanimity is seen as the protector against the “eight worldly winds”: praise, blame, success, failure, pleasure, pain, fame, and disrepute. Without equanimity, these experiences (or winds of life) can blow a person off course.  An example most fitting to give here would be for blogging/social media: without equanimity, becoming “popular” or influential can lead to arrogance and a personal investment in praise and compliments can lead to conceit. On the other side of the coin, remaining unnoticed or receiving criticism may lead to feelings of incompetence and inadequacy.

It was my lack of equanimity that has kept me away from my blog for so long… and made me want to, at times, scrap the whole thing and call it a day.  I would swing back and forth between feeling above blogging and beneath it… getting caught and held by the two extremes of my pendulous emotions. I have lacked the inner balance that enables a person to remain centered and focused a during times of stress. I have been attached to my health problems, pain, spiritual struggles, and have been far too “of the world” over the last 5 months. I was wanting to write about it, but I was not able to do so because (in my emotional turmoil) I lacked objectivity, clarity, and, rational thought. No good can come from such a place and so I remained silent.

Of course Blogging was not REALLY the issue but more a reflection of the bigger picture: I lacked the strength and stability that it takes to find balance in my approach with the world (both virtual and real). In physical terms: If the core is weak, pain will abound.  It’s as true for the body as it is for the soul and heart.

I came upon the word “equanimity” a few weeks ago while reading an article online.  It struck me in such a way that I went on a tear learning as much as I could about it . “People who are masters of equanimity remain even-tempered and unaffected by outside influences. They have learned not to give in to their likes and dislikes nor to react to situations according to their desires and aversions.”  

After reading this, I instantly thought of the hymn It Is Well With my Soul by Horatio G. Spafford:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

This man lived his life in equanimity. You can read his remarkable story here.

Over the past few days, I have concluded that equanimity is very much a Biblical concept and is the result of  “renewing one’s mind” or having “the mind of Christ” combined with “walking after the spirit”.  It is a DISCIPLINE attained through developing the mental qualities that bring about “the peace that surpasseth understanding”.  Those qualities being integrity, faith, mindfulness, well-being, wisdom, insight, and freedom.  

Over the next few weeks, I plan on sharing my journey as I continue to develop these individual qualities in my daily life.  I will explore each concept, share my struggles, and show Biblically  how I am to approach and develop each of these parts of my character. The mind-body connection will be my main focus... the why (mind) and the how (body)...resulting in a change of action. 

I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being blown about by the winds of life and my feelings. If you are too, then come... let us learn to confidently step out of the boat into the storm together... keeping our eyes focused on the one who calms the seas and gives us peace. For all good things are found in Jesus Christ alone.

(Lov)e,

-k.

(Lov) // Lydia's "Tea-f" Party

On Tuesday afternoon I thought it high time that Lydia experience her first real Tea Party!  When she was just about 6 months old, her Essie bought her this lovely porcelain tea set during a trip to Fredericksburg that we made while she and Brendan's Father were visiting us in Austin. It has sat high upon a shelf waiting for Lydia to grow old enough to partake in this little girl ritual.  

If there is anything that Lydia loves... it's a party. I asked her if she wanted to have a tea party and she said "Teaf Party? Let's do it!" I told her she needed to pick 3 friends to invite to her party and she immediately gathered Big-Eyed Kitty (favorite), Bear (protector and confidant) and Rudolph (newest). She carefully chose where everyone would sit and then watched as I unpacked all the elements.  "Oh Mama, SO pretty! Uh oh! Only two cups. What do Mama?" I showed her how we could use the sugar and cream holders as cups for Kitty and Bear. "Oh yes Mama, Bear needs a BIG cup."  

She loved pouring the tea and we had a few spills. Usually she is quite the clean freak and would have demanded that we "clean up" right away... but she was having so much fun she just asked for a towel to keep in her lap. The party was in full swing when Daddy came home. When she saw him, she immediately kicked Rudolph to the curb and asked if he would join. Cuteset thing I ever did see. 


(Lov)e,

-k.

(Lov) // What a Doll!

Taking Lydia to the Pumpkin Patch each October at the church where my Mother works has become an Vlass family tradition! Last year, she was a cute little Lady Bug. This year, she's got quite a thing for dolls so I thought a Rag Doll would be perfect! She has been "bursting at the seams" to put this costume on since it arrived in the mail a few weeks ago and has pointed to it EVERY morning and squealed "Halloween!" with great delight. So let's just say that today... she was one HAPPY little girl. 

For those who have asked about my skirt, you can find it here. 

Happy Halloween! 

(Lov)e,

-k.

(Lov) // Rainy Day Fun

1//Lunch at Frank  2//Hot dogs and fries  3//Daddy Horse  4//The Austin Children's Museum  5//Train  

6// Bridge  7//Little Chef  8//Elsie and Brendan  9//Playing the Pipes  10//A blur of kids  11//Build an arch  12//Happy Mama

(Lov) // LIFE goes on...

On Monday night it became obvious that we had lost our baby at what would have been 11 weeks. Last night the process was completed along with tears, hugs, and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. We are grateful that God is in control. We are grateful that we have each other. We are grateful that God has given us a little smiling and dancing miracle that is our beautiful daughter. With all of the things that can go wrong, it really is a miracle when a health baby comes into this world... and not only lives but grows and thrives in a place where death is always looming.    

I looked at Lydia with new eyes on Tuesday. "Mama sad?"  she said when she found me crying in the bathroom. "Yes baby, Mama is sad. But it's ok to be sad sometimes. Mommy and Daddy lost something that we loved, but we are so happy that we have you... we love you so very much."  "Oh Mama. Baby loves you SO much." She wanted to be by my side all day... constantly checking on me, giving me extra hugs, kisses, and snuggles as I waited for it to all be over. I don't think words can express or contain how much I love my daughter. If anything, this experience has helped me love and appreciate her in a new and profound way... which I didn't think was possible.

It is a sad day... but alas, LIFE does go on. Even this "little life that never was" will go on...returning back to the light from which it came. And even in my sadness, I KNOW that God's grace and provision are perfect. I have felt a peace and strength about what was happening from the very beginning... a comfort that can only come from "the God of ALL comfort". I trust His ways... I trust His timing... and I trust that His love will never leave me.

Do me a favor would you? Hug your children a little tighter today and remember that their life truly is a miracle... and thank the Lord for letting you hold one in your arms.

Thank you for your love, support, and prayers. We appreciate it so very, very much.

(Lov)e,

-k.  

(Ed) // THE GRACE LIFE >> j o y.

The 1611 KJB defines joy as " a delight of the mind, from the consideration of the present or assured approaching possession of good." In other words, joy is the expression of a life lived in the present... being thankful and knowing that we are loved, having an assurance that our hope and desires will be fulfilled. I'll be the first to admit that joy is not one of my defining qualities. 

By nature I would describe myself as a serious and self-absorbed introvert... often getting trapped in my own self conscience and bogged down by my feelings. I am a paradox; wanting to fully know myself and yet, desiring to be fully liberated from myself. For as long as I can remember, there has been this ever present tension inside of me between wanting to be self aware and desiring to become self transcendent. The only times I would say that I experience joy "naturally" are during times of creativity and parenting. It is during those moments that I am fully present, most "myself", and yet moving beyond all that I know myself to be and into who I know I am in Christ.   

To the contrary, I would describe my husband as a practical and optimistic extrovert...  fully engaged in the moment. He lives very externally; always in search of the next stimulating and exciting experience, pursuing everything in his life with cheerfulness and joy. He is bold, vivacious, and self confident... a natural performer. Unlike myself, he has a extreme disconnect from his emotional life and his "thinking" is stimulated by activity. His only downfalls are his lack of focus and a propensity towards laziness when he sees that his actions will not gain him instant personal gratification. And yet, even when he's scattered and lazy...the man is still full of joy. 

We are a prime example of "opposites attract".  He helps to pull me out and engage with the world, encouraging me to be in the moment while I help him to stay focus on what he really wants and what our family needs.  When we are at out best, we act as a balancing force for one another.  When we are at our worst, we act as a stumbling block in the road of each other's happiness. We think so differently, react so differently and find pleasure in such very different ways that is can often be a struggle.  But what makes our relationship work when it seem like it should not is that our marriage is built upon the foundation of Jesus Christ. 

Mutual belief, faith, and trust in God as well as an understanding that His word is our final authority is what will keep us from becoming another divorce statistic. With all the ways in which we are so different, it would be easy for us to grow apart, become resentful, seek our own, and not be fully invested in the partnership we chose to form if not for the common ground of our wonderful Saviour. The Bible settles all of our conflicts.  Prayer softens hearts that get hard toward one another. And the "joy of the Lord" is the strength of our marriage when we as individuals are weak. 

Joy comes easily for Brendan and I have often found myself envious of his "easy-going" personality. Though it may not be "in my nature" to tap into joy and let it flow out of my heart easily... it IS in the nature of the God who "loves me and gave himself for me".  And just like my husband... because I am saved, sealed, and constrained by the love of Christ... access to that joy is always available and ready to overflow my cup.  The way in which I gain that access is by choosing to focus my mind on what has been done for me in Christ...to glory not in my flesh (indulging in my feelings and imaginations) but rather glory in the Spirit by which I NOW LIVE.  

The greatest gift I can give my husband is to be a joyful wife.  The greatest gift I can give to my children is to be a joyful mother.  The easiest way to have a positive effect on this world,  is to engage it with a smile even on those days when I am crying inside. When I deny the self indulgence that is so strong within me (even in the face of adversity, fear, and pain) and count it all joy for the sake of my Lord... I am choosing to become the stronger person that God desire for me to be. "Therefore I take please in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong." ~ II Corinthians 12:10.  It is only during those times that I am made useful and am able to truly love.  

This is my prayer for you and myself today: That "the God of hope fill (us) with all joy and peace in believing that (we) may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." ~ Romans 15:13

Have a joyful day, friends! 

(Lov)e,

-k. 

(Lov) // It is well...

source

It has taken me a bit longer this time to fully wrap my head around the fact that I am pregnant. Brendan and I had given ourselves this summer as a deadline for conception and I was honestly feeling like it wasn't going to happen. I was perfectly content envisioning our little threesome going about our lives together and was fairly indifferent about having another child. I knew Brendan wanted one... so I was willing to try. Since I was not expecting this, it has caused me (a women who is always thinking about the future) to pause and fully experience the present. I've had to swiftly make some lifestyle changes, ditch some not-so-good habits that I let creep back in after Lydia was born, and face the new found "I'm so tired I can hardly think" first trimester exhaustion with a very energetic toddler. And yet, after some time to process this wonderful news, I can now truly say... it is well with my soul.  

I've been thinking about this post from a few weeks ago in which I put forth my intentions on beginning two new series.  In light of my being newly pregnant, I can tell you it's just not meant to be. I still plan on making posts to my "The Grace Life" series, but it will not be weekly and I'm scratching the "Do Unto Myself" series altogether because I just don't have the energy. This blog is supposed to be a fun and creative outlet for me...and I just can't bare the thought of it becoming an obligation that weighs on my mind at the end of the day. Lord knows, I have enough swimming around in my head each night as it lays upon my pillow. Good things mostly... precious, tiny, life changing things. 

Lydia has been going to sleep much more quickly since we began a nightly ritual of reading "Charlotte's Web", my favorite book from when I was wee one. It only takes about one chapter, read in a soft and quiet tone, before she's sound asleep. I'm going to take advantage of this and get some much needed rest myself.  

Side note ~ My friend James over at bleubirdvintage is getting ready to bring her 4th sweet soul into the world! Please send her and her family lovely thoughts and prayers for a smooth and successful home-birthing experience. 

Good night all and may you have the sweetest of dreams.     

(Lov)e,

-k.