(Lov) // A not so little secret...

(Lov) // LIFE goes on...

On Monday night it became obvious that we had lost our baby at what would have been 11 weeks. Last night the process was completed along with tears, hugs, and an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. We are grateful that God is in control. We are grateful that we have each other. We are grateful that God has given us a little smiling and dancing miracle that is our beautiful daughter. With all of the things that can go wrong, it really is a miracle when a health baby comes into this world... and not only lives but grows and thrives in a place where death is always looming.    

I looked at Lydia with new eyes on Tuesday. "Mama sad?"  she said when she found me crying in the bathroom. "Yes baby, Mama is sad. But it's ok to be sad sometimes. Mommy and Daddy lost something that we loved, but we are so happy that we have you... we love you so very much."  "Oh Mama. Baby loves you SO much." She wanted to be by my side all day... constantly checking on me, giving me extra hugs, kisses, and snuggles as I waited for it to all be over. I don't think words can express or contain how much I love my daughter. If anything, this experience has helped me love and appreciate her in a new and profound way... which I didn't think was possible.

It is a sad day... but alas, LIFE does go on. Even this "little life that never was" will go on...returning back to the light from which it came. And even in my sadness, I KNOW that God's grace and provision are perfect. I have felt a peace and strength about what was happening from the very beginning... a comfort that can only come from "the God of ALL comfort". I trust His ways... I trust His timing... and I trust that His love will never leave me.

Do me a favor would you? Hug your children a little tighter today and remember that their life truly is a miracle... and thank the Lord for letting you hold one in your arms.

Thank you for your love, support, and prayers. We appreciate it so very, very much.

(Lov)e,

-k.  

(Lov) // It is well...

source

It has taken me a bit longer this time to fully wrap my head around the fact that I am pregnant. Brendan and I had given ourselves this summer as a deadline for conception and I was honestly feeling like it wasn't going to happen. I was perfectly content envisioning our little threesome going about our lives together and was fairly indifferent about having another child. I knew Brendan wanted one... so I was willing to try. Since I was not expecting this, it has caused me (a women who is always thinking about the future) to pause and fully experience the present. I've had to swiftly make some lifestyle changes, ditch some not-so-good habits that I let creep back in after Lydia was born, and face the new found "I'm so tired I can hardly think" first trimester exhaustion with a very energetic toddler. And yet, after some time to process this wonderful news, I can now truly say... it is well with my soul.  

I've been thinking about this post from a few weeks ago in which I put forth my intentions on beginning two new series.  In light of my being newly pregnant, I can tell you it's just not meant to be. I still plan on making posts to my "The Grace Life" series, but it will not be weekly and I'm scratching the "Do Unto Myself" series altogether because I just don't have the energy. This blog is supposed to be a fun and creative outlet for me...and I just can't bare the thought of it becoming an obligation that weighs on my mind at the end of the day. Lord knows, I have enough swimming around in my head each night as it lays upon my pillow. Good things mostly... precious, tiny, life changing things. 

Lydia has been going to sleep much more quickly since we began a nightly ritual of reading "Charlotte's Web", my favorite book from when I was wee one. It only takes about one chapter, read in a soft and quiet tone, before she's sound asleep. I'm going to take advantage of this and get some much needed rest myself.  

Side note ~ My friend James over at bleubirdvintage is getting ready to bring her 4th sweet soul into the world! Please send her and her family lovely thoughts and prayers for a smooth and successful home-birthing experience. 

Good night all and may you have the sweetest of dreams.     

(Lov)e,

-k.  

(Lov) // Oh Baby!

We are thrilled to announce that we are expecting our second child! I believe I am just about 7 weeks along... which makes baby about the size of a small blueberry. It's a sweet surprise and we are absolutely over the moon (although it took me about a day to recover from the shock). While I was trying to take this picture, Lydia came over and grabbed the blueberry to shove into her mouth. I yelled, "NO, that berry is supposed to be your brother or sister!" She then looked at the berry, kissed it, and gently handed it back to me. She's going to make such a great big sister. It is still early, so your prayers for a smooth and healthy first trimester are greatly appreciated! Praise God...for He and his timing are so very, very good!

(Lov)e, 

-k.